1. How much do you think about your birth mother?
Not all that often… more so now that I’m older though.
2. Do you wonder about both of your birth parents or just one? If only one, which one and why do you only think of one?
I think about both, but mostly my birth mom because I feel more “connected” to her.
3. How do you think being adopted has affected you?
a. Emotionally?
I don’t trust people as much… and I’m afraid of being rejected.
b. Do you have insecurities?
Yes.
c. If so what are your insecurities?
Body image, being rejected, disappointing my adopted parents…
4. Is it harder for you to trust people?
Yes… always has been. I don’t know why.
a. Would you trust your birth mother?
No.
5. What questions do you ask yourself when you are wondering why your birth mother gave you up?
Could she just not provide for me? Was the decision to give me up a decision made by her, or my birth father, or their parents? Why did she want a closed adoption?
a. Why do you think your birthparents gave you up?
They were too young to take care of me/provide for me adequately.
b. What do you assume about your birthparents?
They were somewhat irresponsible to be having a baby when they were that young (I know my birth mom was 18). I assume my birth mom probably looked like me.
6. Do you think subconsciously being adopted has affected you? How so?
Somewhat… mostly in that I carry this issue of abandonment wherever I go.
7. Do you ever feel like you are not good enough? Or do you worry about not being good enough? How does this affect you?
Yes, all the time. I’m afraid to disappoint my adopted parents… it’s almost like I feel like I have to make up for the fact I’m not really theirs, and so I can’t screw up because I don’t want to cause them “pain” for taking me in. That sounds stupid, but idk. I freak out about my grades, I get really upset when my parents are mad at me, and I feel like I have to be amazing at everything the first time I try it.
8. How does being adopted play into/affect your identity/who you are?
Um… mostly I think it has just affected my ability to trust people. I still struggle with identity issues… and worry about people abandoning me.
9. Do you identify with being the child of you adoptive parents or of your birth parents?
Adoptive parents.
10. Would you have rather not been given up for adoption?
Part of me wants to say yes, but I know that I probably wouldn’t be nearly as privileged or well provided for if I had stayed with my biological parents.
11. Are you mad at your birth mother/parents for giving you up? Why or why not?
No, because I know they were too young to care adequately for me, but it’s disappointing to me that she made it a closed adoption.
12. Do you want to meet you birth mother? Birth father? Why?
Yes, but mostly I just want pictures/a general background of both of them. Meeting them would answer a lot of the questions I ask myself when I think about them. I’m afraid of how it would affect my parents (esp. my mom) if I met with my biological parents and started a relationship though.
13. Do you think it’s the responsibility of your birth mom/parents to contact you?
No… It was a closed adoption, so they didn’t want to contact me I guess.
14. What do you think you will get out of meeting you birth mother/parents?
A general idea of where I came from... what I’ll look like in the future.
15. Do you think you will feel more complete after meeting your birth mother/parents?
In the sense that I’ll have an idea of where I came from, yes.
16. Do you ever fear that your birth mother has moved on, that she has a new life, a new family, one that doesn’t have any room for you?
Not necessarily fear… I wonder about that though. Mostly I wonder if she ever thinks about me (and wishes she could me) or if she has just completely blocked that part of her life from her mind.
17. Do you ever wonder whether you have brothers and sisters?
All the time!
18. If you did would you want to begin a relationship with them?
Yes.
19. Have you ever asked your adopted parents how they adopted you? Did they meet your birth mother? Was it a closed adoption?
I’ve asked about my brother’s adoption, but not mine. It was a closed adoption.
a. What did your parents tell you about your adoption?
The usual stuff: the process, how long it took, how they freaked out, how I was a blessing and God answered their prayers.
www.gettyimages.com/
I think about both, but mostly my birth mom because I feel more “connected” to her.
How do you think being adopted has affected you?
a. Emotionally?
I don’t trust people as much… and I’m afraid of being rejected.
b. Do you have insecurities?
Yes.
c. If so what are your insecurities?
Body image, being rejected, disappointing my adopted parents…"
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I think that adopted children have issues with trust because they feel that they have been betrayed. I think that when the child is growing inside of their mother for nine months the child creates such an intimate bond with their mother that when they are separated from the person who they feel is their sanctuary it psychologically affects the child from the moment they are taken away. Being taken away from the person who makes them feel safe makes them not able to trust others as easily because they fear that the other person will leave them or be taken away from them too. This entire psychological effect not only comes from the act of being taken away from their mother but also the reinforcement by society of the incredible value of the bond between the mother and child.
I think it is really interesting to hear about this girl's insecurities after being adopted. I am not adopted, but I can totally see why she would have problems trusting people. My mom is one of the few people in the world I can trust and I cannot imagine not having that bond with her. I have friends who are adopted and I can see these characteristics in them. One of my adopted friends has had numerous relationship problems, but I never really connected the two. She was adopted at birth from another country and knows nothing of her birth parents. She doesn’t really seem to be bothered by being adopted, but she seems to have a lot of trouble trusting people. For me, trust is something that I give pretty easily if you seem to be a good person. For me to not trust someone, they have to have had my trust and then done something to lose it, but for my friend who is adopted, trust is more something you have to gain and then work to keep. I always just thought it was how she is, but now I realize it might be a little deeper than that.
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