Hattie Alexander’s Interview

1. How much do you think about your birth mother?

Not all that often… more so now that I’m older though.

2. Do you wonder about both of your birth parents or just one? If only one, which one and why do you only think of one?

I think about both, but mostly my birth mom because I feel more “connected” to her.

3. How do you think being adopted has affected you?

a. Emotionally?

I don’t trust people as much… and I’m afraid of being rejected.

b. Do you have insecurities?

Yes.

c. If so what are your insecurities?

Body image, being rejected, disappointing my adopted parents…

4. Is it harder for you to trust people?

Yes… always has been. I don’t know why.
a. Would you trust your birth mother?

No.

5. What questions do you ask yourself when you are wondering why your birth mother gave you up?

Could she just not provide for me? Was the decision to give me up a decision made by her, or my birth father, or their parents? Why did she want a closed adoption?

a. Why do you think your birthparents gave you up?

They were too young to take care of me/provide for me adequately.

b. What do you assume about your birthparents?

They were somewhat irresponsible to be having a baby when they were that young (I know my birth mom was 18). I assume my birth mom probably looked like me.

6. Do you think subconsciously being adopted has affected you? How so?

Somewhat… mostly in that I carry this issue of abandonment wherever I go.

7. Do you ever feel like you are not good enough? Or do you worry about not being good enough? How does this affect you?

Yes, all the time. I’m afraid to disappoint my adopted parents… it’s almost like I feel like I have to make up for the fact I’m not really theirs, and so I can’t screw up because I don’t want to cause them “pain” for taking me in. That sounds stupid, but idk. I freak out about my grades, I get really upset when my parents are mad at me, and I feel like I have to be amazing at everything the first time I try it.

8. How does being adopted play into/affect your identity/who you are?

Um… mostly I think it has just affected my ability to trust people. I still struggle with identity issues… and worry about people abandoning me.

9. Do you identify with being the child of you adoptive parents or of your birth parents?

Adoptive parents.

10. Would you have rather not been given up for adoption?
Part of me wants to say yes, but I know that I probably wouldn’t be nearly as privileged or well provided for if I had stayed with my biological parents.

11. Are you mad at your birth mother/parents for giving you up? Why or why not?

No, because I know they were too young to care adequately for me, but it’s disappointing to me that she made it a closed adoption.

12. Do you want to meet you birth mother? Birth father? Why?

Yes, but mostly I just want pictures/a general background of both of them. Meeting them would answer a lot of the questions I ask myself when I think about them. I’m afraid of how it would affect my parents (esp. my mom) if I met with my biological parents and started a relationship though.

13. Do you think it’s the responsibility of your birth mom/parents to contact you?

No… It was a closed adoption, so they didn’t want to contact me I guess.

14. What do you think you will get out of meeting you birth mother/parents?

A general idea of where I came from... what I’ll look like in the future.

15. Do you think you will feel more complete after meeting your birth mother/parents?

In the sense that I’ll have an idea of where I came from, yes.

16. Do you ever fear that your birth mother has moved on, that she has a new life, a new family, one that doesn’t have any room for you?

Not necessarily fear… I wonder about that though. Mostly I wonder if she ever thinks about me (and wishes she could me) or if she has just completely blocked that part of her life from her mind.

17. Do you ever wonder whether you have brothers and sisters?

All the time!

18. If you did would you want to begin a relationship with them?

Yes.

19. Have you ever asked your adopted parents how they adopted you? Did they meet your birth mother? Was it a closed adoption?

I’ve asked about my brother’s adoption, but not mine. It was a closed adoption.

a. What did your parents tell you about your adoption?

The usual stuff: the process, how long it took, how they freaked out, how I was a blessing and God answered their prayers.

www.gettyimages.com/detail/200412879-003/Taxi

"Do you wonder about both of your birth parents or just one? If only one, which one and why do you only think of one?
I think about both, but mostly my birth mom because I feel more “connected” to her.

How do you think being adopted has affected you?

a. Emotionally?

I don’t trust people as much… and I’m afraid of being rejected.
b. Do you have insecurities?
Yes.
c. If so what are your insecurities?
Body image, being rejected, disappointing my adopted parents…"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I think that adopted children have issues with trust because they feel that they have been betrayed. I think that when the child is growing inside of their mother for nine months the child creates such an intimate bond with their mother that when they are separated from the person who they feel is their sanctuary it psychologically affects the child from the moment they are taken away. Being taken away from the person who makes them feel safe makes them not able to trust others as easily because they fear that the other person will leave them or be taken away from them too. This entire psychological effect not only comes from the act of being taken away from their mother but also the reinforcement by society of the incredible value of the bond between the mother and child.

Accepting Adoption and Social Norms

“My man stood by me and several years later asked for my hand in marriage and we have been happy ever since. Our own sons know who their siblings are and they are perfectly fine with all of it.”

I personally find it a little difficult to believe that in our society today her children are “perfectly fine” with having other siblings who are with different parents because society would not allow them to be “perfectly fine” with it. it is just like adopted children will never be 100% perfectly fine with being adopted. It is not that they do not like the parents that adopted them, it is because society does not allow it. Society has imposed social norms among the community and being adopted does not fit into the norm accepted by the people. The social norm consists of a family made up of a mother, a father, 2 children, a dog, with a beautiful house and a white picket fence. Society plants tiny insecurities deep within people’s brains, some so small someone may not even know that they have this insecurity. I believe the reaction from kids affected by adoption, whether it is because they were adopted or they had siblings given up for adoption, to be more of a culture shock. The child is trying to make sense internally of why they are different from everyone else and how they can become like others. With all this turmoil going on within the child there is no way that any child affect by adoption could be “perfectly fine” with the judgments that come along with adoptions. It is human nature to critically analyze others and compare ourselves to others because we are naturally competitive. These actions have become socially accepted which is why every human does this naturally

Kelsey Stewart's Story and Interview (From a Birth Mother's Perspective)

Kelsey Stewart’s Story

I have bolded the parts in Kelsey's story that I thought were very important and interesting, some of which I will be analysing in later blogs.

At 19 I found myself pregnant by way of tetracycoline. My dentist gave me the anitbiotic out of the office, samples, and never asked if I was on birth control. The father of the baby was a great guy, however it was apparent at the time that we were not going the distance. I went the preganacy alone and had one hell of an experience with the State of Missouri. Horrible treatment of birth mothers there! The evil woman of a social worker told me one month before I was due that I would not be placing the baby with the parents that I chose because I knew their phone number and where they lived and that was not how MO did adoptions. She demanded that I find a new agency, new parents and not know anything about my child. One month before my due date, nice timing! She made me feel like a criminal and had the audacity to say "Well if you would have kept your legs closed perhaps you would not be in this situation." She scared the shit out of me and I left there a complete mess. My mother was ready to go postal on those people in that office, very Aurora Greenway in "Terms of Endearment". Lucky for me the parents that I HAD chosen in the first place were lawyers themselves and they made sure we found an agency that would take them and not give us any trouble about it. Believe me, half of the girls in that state that have babies and keep them after "changing their minds" are bullied into thinking they are some terrible person for wanting to place their child for adoption. I say this because I know of two girls that that happened to and they will tell you to this day that they were meant to feel like whores and were pushed into keeping the babies. It really is sad and unfortunately those are usually the stories that you hear about in the media, all negativity toward the birth mothers who come back and want the baby or who change their minds at the last minute.

I had my daughter and was able to give her to the parents that I wanted. I told them that all I wanted in exchange was for them to send me pictures and let me know how and who she was. They went far beyond that, they let her be a part of my life and me a part of hers. I have seen her as she has grown...babysitting her, hanging with her at lunch when they were in my home town, my mother was able to go shopping with her to buy her first communion gown. When I sent out the announcements that my boyfirend had proposed, my daughter called me and asked if she could be in my wedding...that was a dream fulfilled right there! She was my Junior Bridesmaid and she walked up the isle just before I did, not a dry eye in the place. The last time I saw her was two years ago Mother's Day weekend at a family wedding. The room was filled with anticipation and when she got there it was like the paparazzi covering Brittany Spears! Pictures of us embracing for what was an eternity, we had not seen each other since my mother's momorial (again, how lucky am I that they drove all the way to my home town be there for me in my time of sorrow?) which was a lapse of 6 years...the longest we had ever gone without seeing each other. We danced and talked and danced. It was amazing! She just graduated in May and is going to college this fall. I sent her this book before I decided to publish it. She loves it and is very excited that I am going to tell my story to the world. I hope that this book can help children everywhere with their feelings about being adopted.

I had her when I had just turned 20 and my relationship with my boyfriend began around July '91. Bruce had been such a good friend for many years, we were just starting our relationship and it was really working. Early '92 I find out we are pregnant and am thrilled because I know that we are meant to be together. Then the doctor said "My dear there are two...you are having twins" and my heart sank. Twins are much different than just one baby. He was 19, I was 21 and neither of us had a carreer, a home or apartment, or a savings account. We knew that adoption was the option that was best for that situation. He knew that I knew what I was doing and he trusted me the whole way. I insisted on moving to California because there was NO WAY I was going to be badgered like I was in the first adoption. My cousins had just adopted a baby there and knew the connections that I needed to start the process. My man stayed in STL and worked so that he could save for his schooling and I lived in California while I was pregnant. I met with three different couples and chose a wonderful couple that had been trying to have a family of their own for several years. They had been married for a while at that point and I thought to myself...here is the reason that God is making me do this for a second time, these people need me to fulfill their dreams of becoming parents. I spoke to my boyfriend about all the couples and we both decided to choose the couple that I liked. I again made it clear that I would need pictures and updates to which they have complied all of these years. I have not seen the twins since they were born but I know who they are becuase their parents tell me about them in letters.

I am one lucky woman to have had these wonderful parents take care of my heart all of these years. My man stood by me and several years later asked for my hand in marriage and we have been happy ever since. Our own sons know who their siblings are and they are perfectly fine with all of it. They are more than willing to tell people all about their brave parents and what we have done. It is great to see your own children singing YOUR praises!

I really think that this book can change the way people think about adoption and birth mothers. It can help kids understand some of the logic that their mothers were thinking in making this monumental decision, it can help adult adoptees if they are still searching for answers, it can help adoptive parents understand what the woman who gave them their child might have went through, it can help pregnant girls out there now understand that even though it is a difficult decision and nothing about it will be easy...you can still continue life and find fulfillment like I have. I have many positive things to tell about adoption and can only hope that this book will allow me to do that.

I have my own family to love and who love me and the Man upstairs has rewarded me handsomely for my giving heart. The last page of my book there is a sentence that says..."Adoption is God's love given twice." That is how I look at it...he gave me the strength, courage and love that it takes to turn around and say...here is a family of your own.

Thank you for reading my story. I sure am proud of what I have done and am even prouder that I had such an amazing influence in my life like my mother who made me the person that I am.

Kelsey

Interview~

How many children have you put up for adoption?

Three. A daughter and twin boys.

How much do you think about your children?

Every single day.

What do you wonder about? What do you fear?

I know my children and talk to them on a regular basis. They are older, in their late teens so they have had time to heal and are getting to know me.

If you could go back to before you made the decision, would you do anything different?

Not really. I used birth control in both relationships, but circumstances happened, and I became pregnant. Both pregnancies were beyond my control and I do believe that everything happens for a reason.

Do you feel guilty at all for giving up your children?

This is a very good, yet difficult question. There is an enormous amount of guilt involved that never seems to go away, even after 20 years. I have had many years to heal and work through those feelings of guilt. When I was younger and they were so little, the guilt was a relentless aching that would crush my heart and make the hole in there larger everyday. It was literally heartbreaking. "How can I leave them? How will they ever understand that I wanted the best for them? How did I let this happen?" Those were the thoughts that kept me up at night. But through the years as I watched them grow, I was amazed by their accomplishments. Now that they are older, I have replaced that guilt with pride. My daughter tells me all the time that she is proud of me, that I am the strongest person she has ever known, and that she loves me. My pride is in knowing that all my children know and understand that I loved them and did the right thing for them.

How far along in your pregnancies did you decide to give your children up for adoption?

Immediately. There was no doubt in my mind that I had to ask for help.

What were the emotions you felt when you decided to give up your child for adoption?

Disappointment in myself, the fear of not knowing what to expect both in the pregnancey and the adoption process, embarrasment, and very sad that what I was planning to do would eventually break my heart.

Why did you give your children up for adoption?

My mother and father divorced when I was very young and his absence had a profound effect on me. I know abandonment issues. I know that feeling of low self worth and I knew from an early age that if I married it would be for love, it would be well researched - meaning I would not jump into it for ANY reason - and if I had children, it was going to be a marriage that would last the trial and tribulations of life raising a family. I was very young, not married and I did not want my child to miss a loving, full time father like I had,

I also had examples in my own family of unwed mothers and they kept their children so I saw first hand how very difficult it is to raise a child alone, not being there after school, working nights to make ends meet. The biggest example I had was my mother, she did it alone as a divorcee in a time when she was the minority. Almost every one we knew, through school, through Scouts, through sports ... all the parents were married, so my friends had that nucleus that I did not have. I watched my mother struggle and I learned first hand that parenting is a full time job that requires a lot of patience and some wisdom. I knew that I needed help raising my children and I was gifted with maturtiy because of the wonderful job my mother did with me, and that allowed me to see the big picture. I wanted my children to have that necleus family that I wanted so badly, and was too young to provide at the time that I was pregnant. Adoption presented itself as the best decision for me. I was brave enough to ask for the help I needed, and I do not regret the decisions I have made.

Do you feel like society was judging yu during this time? What do you think society thought about your decision? Or how you got into this postition?

You would think the late 80's would have ben more liberal, but I was in the midwest with my first pregnancy and I would say it was about 30% support and 70% rude opinions. People were not shy about telling me what a selfish, horrible woman I was for giving up my responsibilities. I was a waitress and this wonderful older couple requested me every Saturday night to wait on them. I loved them and they loved me! That is until one night they asked me what I was going to name the baby. I told them that I was placing her for adoption so the parents were going to name her. They never requested, or spoke to, me after that night. I was judged all the time back then, I was young, unwed and just another welfare case to all who saw me. Of course I had support from my family and friends, but beyond that, nope. What did society think about my decision? Well, the State of Missouri thought I was an idiot slut who asked for what she got, The social services department treated me like I was a criminal and tried to take away my rights even before my baby was born. They stepped in one month before the due date and told me that I had to find a new family, I was not allowed to know anything about this new family, and I had broken many rules trying to get to know the parents before the baby was born. This is not what I wanted to hear at 19, pregnant, scared out of my mind about the upcoming month, and trying to do the right thing in my mind. Who were they to tell me what I could or could not do with my unborn child? How dare this social worker treat me like that! It was a horrible situation to put me in and I am thankful that I was strong enough to stand up to her, the State, and everyone else who tried to tell me what to do.

That kind of treatment of birth mothers is the exact reason why so many girls change their minds about choosing adoption. It is a terrible way to have someone make you feel, especially at such a vunerable, unknown and emotional time in one's life.

Was the decision to give your child up for adoption easy or hard? What got you through the decision?

It was very difficult. It is not for the weak of character. You have to believe in yourself a great deal, and put yourself and all your feelings aside. I knew what I was doing was right. My mother was an amazing source of support and information. She was my biggest fan and always told me how proud she was of me, that she could never do what I was doing and admired me for being so brave. She was my rock. She never felt sorry for me, but instead allowed me to learn from it, deal with it, and eventually live with it. Without her, I would not be the person that I am today.

Who/what influenced your decision? Did you feel any pressure to give your child up for adoption?

No pressure, it was solely my decision. My life influenced my choice. I was raised with good morals and a positve outlook on life.

Have you had contact with your children?

All the time. It really is such a positive story for all involved! My kids can ask me anything, how great is that? So many adoptees have questions that they need to ask and I welcome every one of them. I am thrilled that they want to know me!

Is it an open or closed adoption?

Both were open adoptions. I had to fight for it in MO and it was a rough road! The second placing I went to an open law state which was much easier on the birth mother. It is all about what she wants and that is where the discussion begin, and we worked details out from there. It was a breathe of fresh air for me since my first experience was so difficult.

Would you advocate other women to give up their children for adoption if they don't feel capable of raising a child?

Absolutely! I want to advocate for the birth mother voice from a postive point of view, an inspiring story that the world needs to see. It can be such a wonderful and rewarding decision. I am proof that to be brave is to be blessed many fold.

What do you believe to be the pros and the cons to Adoption?

The biggest pro is the choice of life. The biggest con is the amount of time it takes to heal. A pro is that if the adoption is ipen, there is a good chance that everyone will be comfortable and healthy with the arrangement. A con is the abandonment issues that some adoptees have not knowing anything about their background or birth parents. A pro is that adoption is changing in great ways: open laws, open websites, tons of literature on the subject, and more acceptance with adoption as a whole. A con is that even with all the advancement and acceptance in the last couple of decades, adoption is still a very controversial subject that conjours feelings of anger and disappointment for so many. A pro to adoption, as a birth mother, I was able to give my heart to wonderful parents who raised great kids who appreciate what I did for them. It is a gratifying feeling to know that I made a difference in not just my childrens lives, but all the lives that they have touched.

They are better people because of my selfless choice to give them the best that I could. That is what I wanted for them, always.

New Thoughts

One type of adoption, that I quite frankly never thought about and is new to me because of the adoption I have experienced, is the idea of an open adoption. All I have ever thought about were the feelings and questions that I have, knowing absolutely nothing about my birthmother. The dramatic difference between my adoption and an open adoption is I know I absolutely cannot find out any of the answers to my questions, unless I ask for her permission to contact her through the agency that handled my adoption. Then what if she refuses to speak with me? That idea in and of itself turns me off the idea of even trying to find the answers. How can the pain and suffering of not knowing anything about your child be more than the pain of watching her grow up with another family? The reason this is so incredibly painful is because of the emphasis on how a mother is unconditionally supposed to love their children. This emphasis is apparent in everyday life, every time you see a mother with her child the mother is always looking out for or trying to keep their child protected. The bond between a mother and her child is so intimate that when a mother lets go of the bond with their child it is as if the child has been rejected. A mother letting go of her child is thought of as unordinary and infrequent, when really it has become more common.

The idea that there are adoptions where the birth mother is kept informed, given pictures every so often, and receives letters by the adopted parents about how her child is doing sounds phenomenal in the situation of adoption. This type of adoption became popular after closed adoptions, I think it recently has become so popular because people are figuring out that maybe it is more important that the child know who his/her parents are because of the prominence of the value of family in our culture.

This leads me to ask why every birthmother does not have an open adoption. Why would a birthmother not want an open adoption? They get to see their child, the progress their child is making and at least keep some sort of connection with their child. Then this question made me think about an extreme case, what if my birth mother was raped and could not even look at me? What if I am the product of rape? I hope this is not true. If this were the situation this would be very controversial because how is a mother supposed to love their child when their child reminds them every time they look at their child or think about their child of the pain and horror of the rape.

The question I am left with is,

What if I am the product of something shameful and she regrets ever having me? And if this is true how would the child and mother reconnect, if they even could?

Abandonment and Search for Self

“…the resolution of loss, and the ability to grieve successfully, are often complicated for adoptees” (Brodzinsky, Schechter, Marantz 1992:3). I believe this to be the most predominant effect of adoption on me. This and “The struggle to understand who you are, where you fit in, and how you feel about yourself” (Brodzinsky, Schechter, Marantz 1992:3) are the two main effects that have immensely changed who I am and how I deal with things in my life.

Abandonment is something I feel every single day, whether it is conscious or subconscious. Not feeling worthy enough is another feeling that I experience every day. I still have not figured out how to cope with these feeling and they take a great toll on my personal strength. The thing that I absolutely hate about this is that I have no choice about how adoption affects me. I cannot change these feelings and I cannot make them disappear. I still have not gotten over the culture shock of being adopted and I do not think I ever will until I believe that I do not need my birth mother to help me define who I am. I also think that for me to get past the culture shock I will have to understand and accept all the differences between someone adopted and someone who’s not. I do not know whether I will ever be able to accept this, I have recognized it but I do not know how to accept it. Maybe this inability to accept comes from our culture, because our culture does not fully approve of adoption.

Side note: There are other aspects of our society that create the feeling of unworthiness like the media; the feeling probably does not only come from being adopted. The media can make you feel unworthy because humans love to compare themselves to others and every humans has the need for competition in some fashion or another.

My First Analysis

“Why did you give me up?” is the predominant question that soaks in my mind, that has gone unanswered for almost two decades. And I wonder whether I will ever get it answered… I wonder if any of my questions will get answered. I wonder if I would rather they not be answered, in case the answer is something I do not want to hear. I do not think I could handle hearing something hurtful from my birth mother. With everything I fear, rejection has got to be one of the worst fears that I have and it plays into a lot of other fears I have.

Sometimes I think about whether I like being adopted or not. I love my parents and would never trade them in for anyone else, but would I have rather been their child genetically? Yes, I think I would. There are disadvantages and advantages to being adopted. And although they affect individuals differently, I think that overall the advantages overshadow the disadvantages. The new life provided for the child once they are adopted immensely prevails over what the negative effects may be.

Although adoption has so many advantages, I believe it also comes with emotional disadvantages to both the child and the birthparents. From my personal experience I believe the child is followed around every day by insecurities stemming from being adopted. These insecurities affect a large part of who the children are and how they act. I believe this insecurity stems from a culture shock of being different from others and not knowing why this difference has such a big affect of me. Why was I so different from other children who were not adopted? Most people will not be able to tell the effects unless they really dissect the child’s behaviors and feelings. I think that some children will live their life not acknowledging these insecurities, which may or may not be in their best interest. These insecurities may go away once the children have met her birthparents, but it is not guaranteed. Insecurities such as the feeling of abandonment or the feeling of not being good enough or worthy enough may stay with the children forever because the insecurities were such a large part of their childhood, not knowing their birthparents, they may always feel these feelings. I believe this insecurity of abandonment stems from the cross-culture interaction between children who are adopted and children who are not. The encounters should be considered cross-cultural because adoptees grow up with a slightly different view than people who are not adopted. The insecurities of abandonment come from the feeling of not being accepted like everyone else who is not adopted.

Other insecurities include ones dealing directly with their birthparents. Adopted children always ask themselves why did their birthparents give them up? Do their birthparents want them back or have any feelings of wanting to get to know them or do they want nothing to do with their own child? Have they moved on completely? Do they have a new family that has no room for another child? These are all questions every adopted child wonders about. The adoptee focuses so much on this part of them that is missing because family is one of the most important things in our society. These feelings of not being worthy enough for their birthparents may be totally unprecedented but that does not matter to the children who have never met their birthparents and therefore does not know the truth as to why they gave their child up? Another advantage concerning the birthparents would be the guilt they may feel about letting their child go. They may think about their child every single day, wondering and hoping their life is better than what they themselves could have provided. And then they might feel guilty for not being able to provide for their child. This feeling comes from the immense amount of pressure society puts on people to have the perfect family, once again because family is so very important in our society. They may regret giving up their child for adoption just as much as the child is wondering why.

The advantages given to the children who have been adopted changes their lives in an enormous way. The children will get a good home, with a loving family that can provide the necessities of life for them. This new family will become the people who know you the best, who are going to look out for you until the end, and love you eternally. Although scientifically they would not be considered to be your family, everything about them other than their DNA proves otherwise. Being adopted opens doors that may never have even been fathomed if they had stayed with their birthparents. The opportunities to have a better education lead to endless pathways. Also, being adopted exposes the children to more opportunities because they will be involved in more, which will make them well rounded. While this child’s life is developing the parents should feel good about giving their child a better life. Society brings a completely opposite view on this subject matter. It might not be upfront or obvious on the surface level, but underneath society does not truly accept a mother giving up her child. One can tell by the kneejerk reaction of just hearing the words “a mother gave up her baby”. The reason for this kneejerk reaction is because it is human nature for a mother to protect their babies. It is human nature for a mother to put her life on the line for her baby, so when we here those six words together it does not quite jive with what our initial instincts are. Taken as a whole, the outcome of the decision to give a child up for adoption gives the child a better life. For example, my life would be completely different. I would not have gone to The Children’s School or Paideia, both small liberal schools, and I probably would not be at Wheaton right now. I would not have been able to travel to all the different countries that I have, like Mexico, Italy, Bermuda, Scotland, and many more. I would not have been able to experience all the different cultures that I have. The exact same opportunities and experiences that I have been exposed to and that have shaped who I am would not have been available to me if I had lived my life with my birthparents. The way my life has been laid out would have been entirely different to the life I would have embarked on if I had stayed with my birthparents. I would be a completely different person. I highly doubt I would be as spoiled as I am today if I had not been adopted and I for sure would not have the best friends that I do.

Although adopted children may feel like a partial piece of them is missing, the irreplaceable opportunities that have shaped the individuals, gave them a better life. in reality leaving society and all the standards it imposes on the people, there really isn’t anything missing from an adopted child’s life; they have two very supportive and loving parents who provide the necessities for a child to prosper mentally physically and emotionally. It is only when the outside perspectives on adoption interfere with the minds of adoptees that the insecurities begin to set in. When looking at this situation, thinking about how much my mother and father love me, I should not feel like anything is missing. The children given the opportunity to be adopted will not get back the opportunities they received by being adopted but the option find your parents is always there for you.